16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
