If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
