I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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