Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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