He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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