If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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