I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
