Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
