Buhtt sex?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
