I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
