she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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