There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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