please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize