If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
