My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize