Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My vagina just recognized that song.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
