my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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