i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Found the puke drawer
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
