so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
