dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we're chasing vodka with high fives
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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