everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
