It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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