had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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