there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
