I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
