i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
