I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
