I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
