You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When are your genitals available?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
