ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize