is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize