i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
