Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
