sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
