We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
