My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize