can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
