I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize