He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
