This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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