I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
