I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
