WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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