The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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