he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
