In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
