talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
