Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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