How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
