Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
