THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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