Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
