dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
