he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
