butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
