I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
