You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
