Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
