I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
