I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
