is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
