I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
