I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
