i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
