i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
