You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
