You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
