in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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