ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
